08/08/2025

            I have loved. I have lost. I have tried. But, time and again, what has failed me most consistently is my lack of motivation to build a life beyond my research, my art, and my fantasy future. I have locked myself in this glass box I inherited from my father, my mother, and my colonized and colonizer ancestors. I have burned like the witches in witch trials, I have lost my lands, and I have traveled across the vast ocean to an unknown land promising gold and a dream.

            I carry my ancestral entourage, those who love me, and all my past selves with me.

            I have a world of words constantly flowing from me, yet I find myself choked up in front of a crush, during an interview, or when performing a two-person scene. In practice, I am an expert at uncovering new and helpful tidbits of information and research, so that one day I can contribute to a more humanistic perspective by integrating intersectional identities. 

            In truth, I am an amateur. A beginner. A fool.

            I am leaving my hovel and walking my Hobbit feet along the path of adventure because I am also connected to adventurers, lovers, creators, and musicians. I am also part of the free folk, the chatty-Kathys, and the storytellers’ line. I am everything they dreamed of being, and I am a completely new dream all at once.

            I want to communicate more genuinely moving forward—when I can, of course. I will build more connections by taking bigger chances. I’ll scatter them like a flower girl, slowly and carefully tossing handfuls of petals down my aisle. I’ll treat the present like spring, embracing all the new growth along the way.

            I plan to take this all one step at a time and pat myself on the back for all the moments I thought would never end, like pits of marsh on the map of my history. I couldn’t escape the alligators then, but I sure as heck can wrestle one now. 

            The advice my ancestors never explained to me is this: the world is a wild place, not just heaven or hell, but a new creation that blends both and more. I am the only dreamer, and I only intersect with other dreams. Finally, that time always offers you a chance to rise above your past mistakes or fall further — that is our gift, to choose.

A moment of stillness in a world of noise,

Nicole Asbjorn